Thursday, August 27, 2009

April 14, 2000 -- These Bitches Suck

Well, I thought for this week's story I would share some of my favorite bad reviews of our albums and live performances along with some favorite excerpts from fan mail. I can laugh at the reviews now, but at the age of 16 these really hurt.

Warning!The following excerpts contain language that some people may find offensive (especially former Runaways!):

Creem Magazine, April 1977 -- These bitches suck. That's all there is to it. Despite what the West Coast Blow Job Coordinator might say, they're not any good, they're not so bad they're good, they're not anything.

Cincinatti Enquirer, August 16, 1976 -- Their hard-as-nails image fosters the impression that the only thing their lips have not embraced is the front bumper of a Mack truck.

New Musical Express, August 14, 1976 and Creem, November 1976 -- Like Barbie dolls, this band was composed of girls trying to act like boys. Actually, they were girls trying to act like David Bowie who tried to act alternatively like a girl or an android... so where is that at? Girl or boy, a poseur is a poseur.

Sounds, October 16, 1976 -- I'm sorry girls, but your ignorance really pissed me off, too, but thanks for three exciting shows and for helping me to understand why people like the Stones and the Who will always be so real despite the upstarts and fads the industry spawns for our delight.

Creem Magazine, February 1977 -- Both the emotion and the execution are abysmal... but don't let the cliches fool you. What they lack in subtlety... they make up for in continuity.

Fan Letters Rule! (or not)...

Hello Toots, so honoured to make y'r aquaintance again, you frosted orgasm!!!

When I went to see you at Pekin, Il. I had no idea that I was to see a female Led Zepplin in the making... Jackie I honestly swear that out of all the Runaways, you are definetly the most lady-like on stage.

I've been thinking for hours, what I should write to the sexiest bass guartarest [sic] that ever set foot on the earth. So, here it is: ...I can dig a Beautiful chick like you.

I read a review in a rock magazine about the "Runaways" & all I can say is that it wasn't a review it was a vendetta. They guy who wrote it must be perverted.

But my favorite all-time fan letter is:

To give you a quick run-down about myself, I'm in Kansas State Industrial Reformatory, which is a prison. I enjoy weight lifting and am on the weight lifting team here. I enjoy drugs and working with animals.

And, finally, a letter I wrote home to my family on March 10, 1976 from Cleveland:

I'm just sitting here washing underwear & waiting to leave for tonight's show. Last night we had a great reaction even though everything went wrong for me. I've never seen so many guys in heat at once. They were standing there panting and wiggling their tongues back & forth. Ace from Kiss was at the show last night with a friend and we all went down to the hotel bar where some 60 yr. old scientist who claims he invented the radial tire kept staring down my top and telling me how 20 years ago he ran off with a black blues singer...

And from later in the same letter:

I think it shall baffle me forever why C.C. is such an idiot. I hate stupid people! Especially ones who intentionally set my jacket on fire with their cigarette... I've been eating candy bars and ice cream all day to gain weight but it's no use.

1 comment:

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